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1. Pilling Them Softly

When Lois arrives to pick up Stewie from preschool, his teacher informs her that Stewie has problems paying attention in class and recommends medication to treat the problem. Taking Stewie to Dr. Hartman, he provides a prescription for ADHD. Brian objects to Stewie taking pills and finds him doped out in his room. As Stewie lethargically roams around the house, Brian continues to rant against drugs of all sorts, but when Meg points out that it makes some of the kids be productive at her school, he pretends to throw away Stewie's pills and takes them for himself.

1. Pilling Them Softly

Meanwhile, the guys are bored with each other's stories while Jerome considers improving his menu. Trying his food, Quagmire is disgusted and sets out to prove that he knows his stuff when it comes to food by inviting everyone to dinner. He surprises everyone by actually being a good cook and they encourage him to take over a cooking show. Peter joins him at the audition for support, and his humor gets them the job as a team. Peter's stunts soon wear on Quagmire's nerves and he fires Peter. However, the show producer offers Peter his own cooking show. Quagmire soon finds his show disrupted by the antics at Peter's show and demands that one of them has to quit, noting that all of Peter's "cooking" consists of putting butter on frozen food. Instead, the producer suggests they have a cook off to decide who stays. As part of the rules of the contest, the guys are allowed to have assistants with Quagmire choosing Joe and Peter picking Cleveland. They find their secret ingredient is butter as Quagmire starts to panic. An accident with Joe reduces Quagmire to tears which makes Peter realize that he has come close to ruining Quagmire's dream and eats his entire entry, allowing Quagmire to win. However, Quagmire admits that he preferred being friends with Peter and they both agree to get fired by imitating Paula Deen together. Back at the Clam, an angry Cleveland notes that they could have just quit.

Meanwhile, at the Drunken Clam, Jerome shows samples of some Korean food to Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe. Quagmire claims that he can cook better, and prepares a meal for all of his neighbors; Lois decides that he should have his own cooking show. Channel 5's producer Carson agrees to hire him, but only if Peter joins him due to his silliness; Quagmire agrees to the terms. During the production of "Quagmire's Kitchen", Peter's antics (including repeat cinnamon challenges) irk Quagmire until he finally fires him. Carson decides to give Peter his own show, which proves more popular due to his bizarre behavior. When Quagmire calls it an insult to cooking, Carson decides to have them compete in an Iron Chef America-style cook-off.

  • An Aesop: Medications are only for people who really need it.

  • Balloon Belly: A more subtle example (for this show anyway), Peter decides to sabotage his chances in the cook-off by eating his entire entry. For the remainder of the scene, he looks fatter than usual.

  • Continuity Nod: Brian still can't write.

  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Peter throws his chance to win for Quagmire to keep his show.

  • Motor Mouth: Brian while he's medicated.

  • N-Word Privileges: Implied when both Peter and Quagmire quit.

  • Open the Iris: Stewie while he's medicated.

  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: George R. R. Martin gives one to Brian after he acts out his treatment to him, saying that he knows Brian took drugs and that while they made Brian write a lot, they didn't make him write good.

  • Shout-Out: The episode title is a play on the 1973 Roberta Flack song "Killing Them Softly."

  • Stating the Simple Solution: Peter and Quagmire decide they don't want to go on with the cooking show if it's going to ruin their friendship, so they get out of it by saying the N-word on live TV. It cuts to them sitting at the Drunken Clam awkwardly as a very angry Cleveland tells them that they could have just quit the show.

Quagmire ends up impressing the station manager at the audition, but Peter stands out so much that he wants them both to star in a new show. Quagmire is always a source of hilarity, but in this instance he gets to play the straight man to Peter, who in the first episode they film, steals the show by performing the Cinnamon Challenge and completely ruining the dish. Quagmire becomes enraged, and fires Peter, but the station offers him his own show.

By 1971, the SWU/SFG had renamed themselves Blue Öyster Cult, and this is where it gets interesting: See, they took the name from a plot point in the Imaginos story arc. This whole Imaginos concept not only predated Blue Öyster Cult, it literally became Blue Öyster Cult.

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